Online Fame | A 'blog written by Chris Rhee

KFC does not use mutated chickens. I have to start with that because everyone who gets their facts from other friends they know who “swears they saw it on tv” seems to think that KFC has started manufacturing 10 breasted chickens that have laser beams on their heads.

But what can you expect when the most valuable thing people learn in high school is to believe what other people your age tell you is true? Ba-zing!

I went out to lunch today and was asked what we’ve all been asked before at a restaurant: “Did you save any room for dessert?”. In my experience, people usually don’t have much of an appetite for dessert after eating the entree (and if they do, then they complain about the portions of food rather than paying for more).

So my solution for all restaurant owners is to have your waiters ask the customer if they want dessert when they’re ordering their appetizers/entree. It’ll be just like the whole eat-before-you-buy-groceries thing: they’ll be hungry, so many people will order more than they can eat.

If any restaurants see that their dessert purchases raise by 50% or something because of this, send some complimentary sugar-filled food my way.

Almost everytime I hear someone talk about KFC, some ass has to mention how their chicken is nasty because they raise a bunch of mutated chickens who fight crime when not eating pizza and skate boarding. It’s not true.

KFC doesn’t raise their own chickens and unlike what the liars say, several of their foods do use the word “chicken” in their name: Chunky Chicken Pot Pie, Original Recipe Chicken, Tender Roast Chicken, etc.

Who cares, anyway? You could eat a lot worse than just mutated chicken…

I’m pretty damn late for this, but I just saw an article in The Week discussing this whole suing-fast-food-restaurants-because-you’re-overweight deal.

It’s too bad this is happening. It kind of ruins this Sopranos quote, “My friend Artie Bucco’s got a restaurant, right? Now, believe me, no one’s telling him to refuse a plate of fettuccine to some fat fuck that wanders in that’s eating him to death.”

I heard the previous judge presiding over this case sued Fatty Fatson because his insides exploded from trying to hold in his laughter… True story.

So it’s 1AM and you’re feeling hungry and there’s nothing to eat in your house (nothing that you’d feel better after eating, anyway). Where exactly are you supposed to go?

Last night, Steven and I were trying to write up a script for a movie. Things get accomplished when there’s food around, so we decide to head over somewhere, except there’s only three options: grocery store, 7-11, and Denny’s.

Someone should just open up a grill at 12AM for all the people who stay up late or were too busy to get something before many places closed. I’m sure there’s a bunch of people who are in need of such a place, especially in the summer time.

Getting hot food at night is like mission: impossible around where I live.