Online Fame | A 'blog written by Chris Rhee

Sadly, there’s much better word play, rhymes, rhythm and flow in “The Very Model of a Modern Major-General” than in every single freestyle or verse I’ve read from “net emcees” on message boards around the internet. It’s also better than many (MANY) rappers that are polluting the radio waves… The scene needs new rhymes. Face facts: the words “glock” and “block” have been rhymed to death. So have “girl” and “world”…

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but to be sure, here’s the first verse from “The Very Model of a Modern Major-General” (you can find the full version by searching online):

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I’ve information vegetable, animal and mineral;
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’news –
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I’m very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

I’d hate to meet some friends who talk like how people talk in commercials. Especially college commercials (or any super low budget advertisement where it looks like they hired their buddies).

Although I shouldn’t be giving low budget advertising campaigns a rough time. Because I don’t know what the hell Billy Sardell is still doing on those Round Table pizza spots.

Back story & Update: When the old version of this website was up, I wrote a post stating that I would never touch a Round Table pizza because of how annoying those television commercials are. As far as I can remember, I’ve stayed true to my promise.

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I decided to play the lottery for the first time and spent six dollars (for three scratchers and one Super Lotto Plus ticket). We didn’t make a penny from two of the scratchers, but one of them got us fourteen dollars. We still await the Super Lotto Plus numbers— which will be drawn on Wednesday night.

Also, my luck continued yesterday: I looked under the cap of a bottle of soda I bought and it said that I won a “free 20oz coke”. I wonder if I can hire a lawyer and try to force Coca-Cola to send me twenty ounces of cocaine— which I can sell for a higher amount than a measly bottle of soda…

It’s just a few days later that this website will have been online for a full year— and I’ll have been typing posts for the masses for a total of about five years. If this was a television series, I’d be obligated to leave you confused until the next post to make sure that you come back and read…

I understand why television series always end with cliff-hangers for season finales, but I still think it’s a rather cheap tactic. If the show is good enough, it should be able to keep it’s viewers even after a few months have passed. Shows like Coupling and Frasier don’t always feel the need to “trick” their viewers into coming back for more— the characters and interesting stories do it themselves. We’re not left wondering who’s pregnant or who’s on the other end of that phone or who’s room is that person going into…

The only cliff hanger I would approve of is one where someone is actually hanging from a cliff… That would be interesting. Maybe they can work that into one of the thousand new reality shows that they’re unleashing. Perhaps on some sort of rock climbing slash dating game slash race show?