Online Fame | A 'blog written by Chris Rhee

I checked my email the other day to find over seven hundred spam emails. It’s totally ruined email for me— What if my Nigerian friend wanted to know if I’d help him with his financial trouble? What if my friend was informing me of a way to enlarge my penis or giving me tips on how to reduce my debt? My spam filter program would’ve just discarded the email!

Damn you, spammers! It’s your fault that I may never be able to have email conversations with any psychic friends or friends that want to enlighten me with sexy website sale prices!

Almost everytime I hear someone talk about KFC, some ass has to mention how their chicken is nasty because they raise a bunch of mutated chickens who fight crime when not eating pizza and skate boarding. It’s not true.

KFC doesn’t raise their own chickens and unlike what the liars say, several of their foods do use the word “chicken” in their name: Chunky Chicken Pot Pie, Original Recipe Chicken, Tender Roast Chicken, etc.

Who cares, anyway? You could eat a lot worse than just mutated chicken…

Somehow, I always end up at restaurants that parents think is a good place to bring their little kids who can’t stop crying or banging their forks, knives and cups on the table.

To these people I am talking about: Please get a babysitter. You don’t even need to look in the Yellow Pages or Google… EVERYONE is a baby sitter. Your mom, your dad, your cousin, your neighbor, your crack addict brother-in-law, etc. You probably start to get annoyed at your kids when they make so much constant noise— imagine how annoyed people who DIDN’T give birth to this kid must feel.

Why are so many people having babies? The economy sucks, people should stop having babies. Or maybe it’s because they just got laid (HEHEHE… LAID) off, so the majority of their time is spent at home— queue the porn music. Or maybe they’re just so broke, they can’t afford the outrageously priced condoms… You be the judge!

Today, I went to the bank and dumped $3000 to open up an account for my company (almost didn’t get it because I wasn’t eighteen years old). And hopefully, tonight, my friend will be printing up my business cards for me.

Anyway, at the bank, the lady asked how much the average annual income would be— a question I never really thought of. She said she just needed to enter a number in the system so she could open the account, but I sat there, wondering what it is that I expected out of this company.

When I started it, it was just so I could make a few dollars on the side. But now, I wouldn’t mind making it a long-term solution for finding fundage. (So hire me, Potential Client.) I like setting big goals for myself. So $100,000 a year sounded all right to me…

5 points for whoever tells me which song the subject of this post comes from. It’s a fairly easy one to guess, in my opinion…

The newest Powerball lottery winners in Pennsylvania say that they’ll still be shopping at Wal-Mart, pumping their own gas and looking for sales— even after receiving a $73.6 million dollar lump-sum.

I don’t understand why it should be any other way. That’s why big blockbuster movie budgets always seem odd to me. Some movies are made for $60 million, but I still find better films that had a budget of $5 million, or $20,000. Why not keep using the indepedent film techniques of finding deals on production costs?

Seriously, where is all this money disappearing to? I want to get in the movie business because I think there’s just some big scam where people are able to skim off 40% of the budget for their own personal use.

There’s got to be some truth in what Chris Rock said about The Blair Witch Project’s $60,000 budget: “Somewhere, somebody’s walking around with $59,000!”